So, I was kickin it with a friend the other day
N she said hey...whats your most valued possesion?
I laughed and told her it was my insides.
Without understanding yet demanding I explain
I opened my mouth to convey my most prized possesion.
These words are of value coming from my insides which stem from my brain
Telling me to train myself that these words are of power from my mind.
I have rooted them then pollutted them for ever letting them touch the outside air.
And I wouldnt care if the world was all fresh and so clean clean but its...mean.
The outside is dirty and to keep my prizes inside I value only my insides.
She nodded with expression like yeah I get that but I covered her mouth and said kick back because Ive just started sharing what means the most to my soul.
It is my soul that would come up next.
Its my inside torso that feels so..half ashamed and half happy, so, I keep it inside.
The heartbeat is silent which stays in confinement
Now that I've realized that each time I let it out it gets broken
And I'm too done with joken so I keep it...on the inside.
In my blood that runs through my vains I become vain.
Looking in the mirror making sure my hair is straight and my clothes arent anywhere near a size 8.
And thats on the outside
But my insides tell me its the only way to be right..to be liked.
And that is why my insides keep me sane
Telling me im a good person even if i dont have a shirt with a name.
Moving down to my stomach
In this extra flesh that bulges from my waistline.
My belly is where most my insecurities gather
And I'd rather hide those problems...on the inside.
But it becomes inevitable that it will show...on the outside.
I will speak at last of my mind. For even if words come out to the open air
I cant care because...truth lies within.
These are happenings that happen in the midst of rumored thoughts.
And people can be bought out so it doesnt mean much when folks speak out.
Think of your own mind. Think of how good it feels to know what you know
To put on a show for only you and your eyes to see.
Your eyes...your pupils become pupils to teach in front of your reach and it all means everything because it stemmed...from your insides.
Do our minds speak a different language than what comes out?
Do we think different thoughts than our open words filled with doubt?
We put on a show for our glory to be liked
To be strong and powerful and cool.
Strong to be forceful
And powerful to be rich
Cool trails along for the ride
As our words are gathered not from the slide up of education
But from the media's misrepresentation.
Children and young ones drink up hip hop like its water.
And then over time parents dont even know their own daughter.
Because shes caught up on her sidekick three and other electronics
Speakin' ebonics to her..."homies"
And writers have put out books that explain street slang.
And pretty soon authority figures claim confusion as to why their loved ones end up in a street gang
Like dang...you are ignorant.
Or you'd have to be to not realize that whats on the outside is not the same on the inside.
Its a facade that most keep up to be well liked
And if you cant like yourself then its going to show.
And you'll lose your glow to grow,
Inside.
That, my friend, is why my insides are valued, and remembered, and kept sacred...
Inside.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
006. I dont care.
I. dont. care.
No, i really dont care and no i dont wish to share.
......
Wait!..maaybe i do. please please tell me..what am i going to do?
You leave me confused, bruised, and I put my team out there just to watch us lose.
So now, I dont care.
And your life is complicated so it seems you cant spare one moment in time
To at least tell me things arent fine
And that you wont end up being mine...ever?
Thanks, so i dont care.
Wearing my heart on my sleeve seemed fashionable at the time
But I'm no marc ecko or tommy hilfiger
So go figure I was wrong about my outfit that seemed to fit while by your side.
Well...i dont care.
And i never wanted to end up like those select few who complain about their luck
But it really does suck now that I sit here like what the ffffff
Did i do?
Therefore...i dont care.
Theres a petty little statement called bros before hoes
And those words i should have heeded before attempting in cementing
My heart with yours.
No no really...i dont care.
But while in the middle of kissing i was missing all logic apparently
That this was never going to happen again.
But maybe, you shouldve saved me from the aftermath of your scheme
Cause that was pretty mean hense the reason i now
Dont care.
I sit and submit poem after poem to the trash trying to find the right words to cash
In for my mind to feel at ease.
Eh..Pleaaase. Thats long gone..along with us.
I dont care.
But for the next one who walks into your life
Know that its not alright to treat them as an option.
To shun...their soul while they make you priority sitting like royalty
With no clue that you, yourself. dont care.
Let them know about your plan
Cause mannn...I'm broke and thats hardly a joke because
I was rich before this sudden itch of failure
Like a sailor without his wind.
When adam and eve created sin.
When you turned me into a wizard of oz character made out of tin.
With no heart..I try to start something over
In search of a four leaf clover for any type of day to go my way
Because in all reality baby...
I....care.
No, i really dont care and no i dont wish to share.
......
Wait!..maaybe i do. please please tell me..what am i going to do?
You leave me confused, bruised, and I put my team out there just to watch us lose.
So now, I dont care.
And your life is complicated so it seems you cant spare one moment in time
To at least tell me things arent fine
And that you wont end up being mine...ever?
Thanks, so i dont care.
Wearing my heart on my sleeve seemed fashionable at the time
But I'm no marc ecko or tommy hilfiger
So go figure I was wrong about my outfit that seemed to fit while by your side.
Well...i dont care.
And i never wanted to end up like those select few who complain about their luck
But it really does suck now that I sit here like what the ffffff
Did i do?
Therefore...i dont care.
Theres a petty little statement called bros before hoes
And those words i should have heeded before attempting in cementing
My heart with yours.
No no really...i dont care.
But while in the middle of kissing i was missing all logic apparently
That this was never going to happen again.
But maybe, you shouldve saved me from the aftermath of your scheme
Cause that was pretty mean hense the reason i now
Dont care.
I sit and submit poem after poem to the trash trying to find the right words to cash
In for my mind to feel at ease.
Eh..Pleaaase. Thats long gone..along with us.
I dont care.
But for the next one who walks into your life
Know that its not alright to treat them as an option.
To shun...their soul while they make you priority sitting like royalty
With no clue that you, yourself. dont care.
Let them know about your plan
Cause mannn...I'm broke and thats hardly a joke because
I was rich before this sudden itch of failure
Like a sailor without his wind.
When adam and eve created sin.
When you turned me into a wizard of oz character made out of tin.
With no heart..I try to start something over
In search of a four leaf clover for any type of day to go my way
Because in all reality baby...
I....care.
Friday, October 19, 2007
005. Golden Sun.
I think I know what I need.
It’s a simple dose of the same thing I bleed---out.
Like a spout it pours in liters.
Its in my breathe and on my mind.
It rests on my heart that is oh so blind.
I want them call.
Yet I don’t need them at all.
I’m a walking contradiction filled with all of my addictions
Presenting me with minor afflictions that I can usually shrug off.
But not this time. No. No this time it seems that when my name is said there is only me present.
Treated like a peasant waiting for the one who will treat me one step above.
Above is what I look to.
I awake and there is the golden sun.
Daylight has begun and you,
You are what’s saving me.
You see I am lost among the bustle
The hustle that one calls society
And the reason my face has not lost glow is you, golden sun
For you place number one giving me a chance to wake.
A chance to make my day beautiful.
I am alive.
I strive. And you are at my back
Or front depending on where my feet are plunked
And I shall not surrender…
Because of you.
My days are as bright as my mind
And time… is just a number.
But you, golden sun tell me when my days are done.
I. Thank. You.
It’s a simple dose of the same thing I bleed---out.
Like a spout it pours in liters.
Its in my breathe and on my mind.
It rests on my heart that is oh so blind.
I want them call.
Yet I don’t need them at all.
I’m a walking contradiction filled with all of my addictions
Presenting me with minor afflictions that I can usually shrug off.
But not this time. No. No this time it seems that when my name is said there is only me present.
Treated like a peasant waiting for the one who will treat me one step above.
Above is what I look to.
I awake and there is the golden sun.
Daylight has begun and you,
You are what’s saving me.
You see I am lost among the bustle
The hustle that one calls society
And the reason my face has not lost glow is you, golden sun
For you place number one giving me a chance to wake.
A chance to make my day beautiful.
I am alive.
I strive. And you are at my back
Or front depending on where my feet are plunked
And I shall not surrender…
Because of you.
My days are as bright as my mind
And time… is just a number.
But you, golden sun tell me when my days are done.
I. Thank. You.
004. Like-Love.
Ashes to ashes and us til dust.
I might use that line if I really did have trust.
Or an “us” for that matter. No matter I still like the line.
First operations from locations undiscovered and unreleased.
Now I’ve ceased all movements trying to claim your attention.
I haven’t felt strong or strung along for a long..long…time.
Outa sight outa mind is the motto among the girl.
The girl meaning me and the motto meaning I. don’t. care.
Yet I do because to think of a line and to waste the time to represent that something is not so fine.
I wish I didn’t have the mind that waits by the phone.
I wish my face could easily represent the fake tone in my voice.
I’d rejoice secretly if I heard the buzz on my nightstand.
Maybe busy is a word I have used too casually
For the casualty that I have self proclaimed on my own heart.
I don’t wish to start over because patterns seem to occur with each and every person stepping in
Or on the beat rhythms of the left side of my body.
Trying to create a new me possibly making me too gaudy.
I enjoy how I am and I enjoy the tender pieces
This releases with no creases and then some “perfect mess” comes along with all their leashes
Ready to tie me up.
I am free. I wish to not be. I contradict myself
But you’d understand if you were me….or here.
I might use that line if I really did have trust.
Or an “us” for that matter. No matter I still like the line.
First operations from locations undiscovered and unreleased.
Now I’ve ceased all movements trying to claim your attention.
I haven’t felt strong or strung along for a long..long…time.
Outa sight outa mind is the motto among the girl.
The girl meaning me and the motto meaning I. don’t. care.
Yet I do because to think of a line and to waste the time to represent that something is not so fine.
I wish I didn’t have the mind that waits by the phone.
I wish my face could easily represent the fake tone in my voice.
I’d rejoice secretly if I heard the buzz on my nightstand.
Maybe busy is a word I have used too casually
For the casualty that I have self proclaimed on my own heart.
I don’t wish to start over because patterns seem to occur with each and every person stepping in
Or on the beat rhythms of the left side of my body.
Trying to create a new me possibly making me too gaudy.
I enjoy how I am and I enjoy the tender pieces
This releases with no creases and then some “perfect mess” comes along with all their leashes
Ready to tie me up.
I am free. I wish to not be. I contradict myself
But you’d understand if you were me….or here.
003. Rounding Corners.
If I could be the meanest...and i really mean this...
I would.
If I could be most honest...i'd already be on this...
If I could.
If I fill my soul with passion...I might not have to pass on...
If I should.
I dont need the shoulda coulda wouldas on the daily.
They dont help me believe I aint completely crazy.
Like I have some past to look back to attack what I might have been like if I had just stayed on track.
Trying to move forward with words backed with actions.
Satisfaction of words. contemplation of words.
Words are just words unless accompanied by works.
Jerks. jerks are what we call people who only use words and are good with what they say but have no intentions of backing them up today.
Or tomorrow for that fact.
Wack is what it is so i try and do the other side.
I ride with my speakings hoping they turn into bleakings of daylight.
I'm alright. I know I'm okay. Maybe yesterday I wasn't but today I feel fine.
Fine like the time i found out i was good on my own and it was known.
My presence was felt like a strong wind at your back and i took a crack at the bat and i quite possibly hit it out of the park
Until it got dark and then i awaited what came next.
You see...I dont need the wrong people telling me im right.
Thats kinda like an oxymoron that a moron would love to claim
For their fame. truth be told those are the wrong ones telling me im right.
Isnt that a sight? Its like who gave you the audacity to try and gather my wisdom?
You dont hold my freedom, or stardom just because youre random and use your brain seldom.
I am no longer the product of your release.
And I am provided with much peace with every extreme magnitude of grief that escapes me, for me.
You see...this is how I cope.
And for the sake of me, I internalize what I -- in turn -- realize
From all that I've managed to stay alive through
That though I am broken, I am more than only human.
I am not expendable,dispensable, or any deviation of "able" that promotes such.
I am lovable, ergo I am AbletoLove. Able now, atleast. Able now, at most actually.
No promises...just days with hopeful thoughts that pass in and out of my wandering and ironically cemented thoughts.
I used to be into wishin...now i have intuition.
If only I believed in shoulda. coulda. woulda.
Happy, I dont.
I would.
If I could be most honest...i'd already be on this...
If I could.
If I fill my soul with passion...I might not have to pass on...
If I should.
I dont need the shoulda coulda wouldas on the daily.
They dont help me believe I aint completely crazy.
Like I have some past to look back to attack what I might have been like if I had just stayed on track.
Trying to move forward with words backed with actions.
Satisfaction of words. contemplation of words.
Words are just words unless accompanied by works.
Jerks. jerks are what we call people who only use words and are good with what they say but have no intentions of backing them up today.
Or tomorrow for that fact.
Wack is what it is so i try and do the other side.
I ride with my speakings hoping they turn into bleakings of daylight.
I'm alright. I know I'm okay. Maybe yesterday I wasn't but today I feel fine.
Fine like the time i found out i was good on my own and it was known.
My presence was felt like a strong wind at your back and i took a crack at the bat and i quite possibly hit it out of the park
Until it got dark and then i awaited what came next.
You see...I dont need the wrong people telling me im right.
Thats kinda like an oxymoron that a moron would love to claim
For their fame. truth be told those are the wrong ones telling me im right.
Isnt that a sight? Its like who gave you the audacity to try and gather my wisdom?
You dont hold my freedom, or stardom just because youre random and use your brain seldom.
I am no longer the product of your release.
And I am provided with much peace with every extreme magnitude of grief that escapes me, for me.
You see...this is how I cope.
And for the sake of me, I internalize what I -- in turn -- realize
From all that I've managed to stay alive through
That though I am broken, I am more than only human.
I am not expendable,dispensable, or any deviation of "able" that promotes such.
I am lovable, ergo I am AbletoLove. Able now, atleast. Able now, at most actually.
No promises...just days with hopeful thoughts that pass in and out of my wandering and ironically cemented thoughts.
I used to be into wishin...now i have intuition.
If only I believed in shoulda. coulda. woulda.
Happy, I dont.
002. Wars.
Little rhyme for ya time not like anything is real good, but I still say things are fine.
You make it out to be bigger than it is
Kinda like when you complain about soda and at the top with the fizz
What. am I saying.
I have no clue until im playng. better yet paying...attention.
No,no praying FOR attention.
Sike all attention.
Dimention is a word we hardly use unless we fuse it with things like 5th.
Take it to another world and hey bring me along.
I'll sing you a song and no one will be wrong.
Smoke out of a bong and listen to tay zon--day.
Play. Its all I really wanna do play,stay.
Stay with me I'll set you free I promise. honest.
No being lame i'm about put away the shame i'll make it worth the while.
Seems i only get a love when someone needs a hug
That really bug...me.
Guess I'm not surprised. guess i feel obliged.
I'll help you help yourself helping bigger things
For you. Into you I really can be.
Me..I say love. you say love. love is a mistake.
I fall head over heels yes i know how it feels.
The...constant aggrivation of my undivided attention seems to move mountains and fountains and things that are supposed to stay put.
Foot-in mouth i will insert blush patterns to my cheeks.
Weeks is all I last. Yet I'm last to be weak?
Speak because I speak you tweak and feel upstaged.
Outraged? Oh brother.
I take it to heart. Never know where to start.
I seem to end up in trouble when I start to move my mouth.
Call it a piece like "mouthpiece" when I tell you that you'd never look like a beast.
Its like you the holster to my pistol. Pow.
We still together? Wow...you fell out of love and I said I forgot that months ago. how?
Are we still going. wow. so guess we just fuckin now? ha.
Blaboww just a joke to poke and provoke you.
I dont even know their name I just like to play the game.
Maybe considered a war.
Whats the score?
Am I losing? I hope so. I like behind behind.
Blind am i for still being nice.
Twice its happened? Triple that please.
Wars are what we need? Sike. Cop a bike and just ride.
Subside the madness and the jumping from person to person
With your fancy words and unpresidented blurbs about how youve "never felt this way...sigggh"
Oh me oh my. I laugh at you.
Phew glad I'm through with who?
This turned from dumb to amazing in due time.
Rhyme. Its what I do for mine.
Werrd.
You make it out to be bigger than it is
Kinda like when you complain about soda and at the top with the fizz
What. am I saying.
I have no clue until im playng. better yet paying...attention.
No,no praying FOR attention.
Sike all attention.
Dimention is a word we hardly use unless we fuse it with things like 5th.
Take it to another world and hey bring me along.
I'll sing you a song and no one will be wrong.
Smoke out of a bong and listen to tay zon--day.
Play. Its all I really wanna do play,stay.
Stay with me I'll set you free I promise. honest.
No being lame i'm about put away the shame i'll make it worth the while.
Seems i only get a love when someone needs a hug
That really bug...me.
Guess I'm not surprised. guess i feel obliged.
I'll help you help yourself helping bigger things
For you. Into you I really can be.
Me..I say love. you say love. love is a mistake.
I fall head over heels yes i know how it feels.
The...constant aggrivation of my undivided attention seems to move mountains and fountains and things that are supposed to stay put.
Foot-in mouth i will insert blush patterns to my cheeks.
Weeks is all I last. Yet I'm last to be weak?
Speak because I speak you tweak and feel upstaged.
Outraged? Oh brother.
I take it to heart. Never know where to start.
I seem to end up in trouble when I start to move my mouth.
Call it a piece like "mouthpiece" when I tell you that you'd never look like a beast.
Its like you the holster to my pistol. Pow.
We still together? Wow...you fell out of love and I said I forgot that months ago. how?
Are we still going. wow. so guess we just fuckin now? ha.
Blaboww just a joke to poke and provoke you.
I dont even know their name I just like to play the game.
Maybe considered a war.
Whats the score?
Am I losing? I hope so. I like behind behind.
Blind am i for still being nice.
Twice its happened? Triple that please.
Wars are what we need? Sike. Cop a bike and just ride.
Subside the madness and the jumping from person to person
With your fancy words and unpresidented blurbs about how youve "never felt this way...sigggh"
Oh me oh my. I laugh at you.
Phew glad I'm through with who?
This turned from dumb to amazing in due time.
Rhyme. Its what I do for mine.
Werrd.
001. Spits.
See what had happened was the world fell down.
Nothing like normal...didn’t even make a sound.
I sit I breathe and I flow, just say hi.
Surprised...compromised by the pain...that was I.
Coulda...shoulda woulda broke down when no one said my name.
We relax and do nothing so the world stays the same;
Shame. things are beautiful with change.
Look how far people go with range.
Making movements throughout the world by speech.
I stretch my arms out just to see how far they reach.
In essence im brilliant; as is society.
Proprietary takes over. get used to the social headache.
You take..two steps forward and the world walks back.
Wish to speak out but afraid of the attack.
Say the words that just feel like spurts
No big thing. after all...the truth hurts.
And we...gladly...market thee..of people wanting more and bigger is better so we eagerly adore...that.
Spat. go big? go home? what if i choose neither?
I'll probably be alone
Followed by a million others...my brothers.
My sisters. the misters. the ladies.
I was born in the 80s. i wish to know my past.
Not the last of the last but the past of my present.
The kind with bumps and bruises and how i got here with no fear just came into the world a free soul for real.
Imagine how that feels.
Better yet imagine how it wouldn’t feel.
Heal those minds who cant even read this.
Not because they choose not to, no
But because they aren’t able to read, they bleed.
The minds are of one beam and internet is a dream.
They have no books and no one seems to take looks
We are crooks...and beggars.
With our teen parties and keggers.
Onto more modern me..gee.
Wondering how I am a wonder,
Plunder for that answer and let me know not.
Rot with bitterness and wear a smile.
I wont be going anywhere for quite a while.
Family. new subject sorry for the switch..
Twitch; getting better...itch; still problems.
Friends but who. contemplate reality.
You care?...show. you don’t? go.
Love. again bigger things surround us
Fuss you fuss. you fuss about me even when im not around;
Clown yourself you like attention and grab.
Blab that’s what you do blab no one cares.
If my heart hurts good thing I got rid of that part.
Start..fresh. you wont bring me down by your
Selfish ways and unhappy days and mediocre frays of the unsewn life you choose to live...without me.
Thank God i never gave you all of who I was or am or still yet to be.
Cause..look at me and watch me work;
Twirk I move and twirk I'm gone again from you and the rest Of who your posse or mind posse wanted me to be.
So badly for you I could care less.
Regress...I would not.
Thoughts on my mind with no more time
To bore. I bore and I capture feel these words.
Try and read how I write because you wont get it right.
I'm sure this mess of poetic bliss will scare you.
I'm reading fast with breaks where I see them.
And you will read slow overanalyzing the tone.
Alone. hardly so, unless you don't understand the meaning for this nonsense.
My life. my words. my history and my present. present ever, ever present.
Ashley. Spits. Rhyme.
Hiptop.
Nothing like normal...didn’t even make a sound.
I sit I breathe and I flow, just say hi.
Surprised...compromised by the pain...that was I.
Coulda...shoulda woulda broke down when no one said my name.
We relax and do nothing so the world stays the same;
Shame. things are beautiful with change.
Look how far people go with range.
Making movements throughout the world by speech.
I stretch my arms out just to see how far they reach.
In essence im brilliant; as is society.
Proprietary takes over. get used to the social headache.
You take..two steps forward and the world walks back.
Wish to speak out but afraid of the attack.
Say the words that just feel like spurts
No big thing. after all...the truth hurts.
And we...gladly...market thee..of people wanting more and bigger is better so we eagerly adore...that.
Spat. go big? go home? what if i choose neither?
I'll probably be alone
Followed by a million others...my brothers.
My sisters. the misters. the ladies.
I was born in the 80s. i wish to know my past.
Not the last of the last but the past of my present.
The kind with bumps and bruises and how i got here with no fear just came into the world a free soul for real.
Imagine how that feels.
Better yet imagine how it wouldn’t feel.
Heal those minds who cant even read this.
Not because they choose not to, no
But because they aren’t able to read, they bleed.
The minds are of one beam and internet is a dream.
They have no books and no one seems to take looks
We are crooks...and beggars.
With our teen parties and keggers.
Onto more modern me..gee.
Wondering how I am a wonder,
Plunder for that answer and let me know not.
Rot with bitterness and wear a smile.
I wont be going anywhere for quite a while.
Family. new subject sorry for the switch..
Twitch; getting better...itch; still problems.
Friends but who. contemplate reality.
You care?...show. you don’t? go.
Love. again bigger things surround us
Fuss you fuss. you fuss about me even when im not around;
Clown yourself you like attention and grab.
Blab that’s what you do blab no one cares.
If my heart hurts good thing I got rid of that part.
Start..fresh. you wont bring me down by your
Selfish ways and unhappy days and mediocre frays of the unsewn life you choose to live...without me.
Thank God i never gave you all of who I was or am or still yet to be.
Cause..look at me and watch me work;
Twirk I move and twirk I'm gone again from you and the rest Of who your posse or mind posse wanted me to be.
So badly for you I could care less.
Regress...I would not.
Thoughts on my mind with no more time
To bore. I bore and I capture feel these words.
Try and read how I write because you wont get it right.
I'm sure this mess of poetic bliss will scare you.
I'm reading fast with breaks where I see them.
And you will read slow overanalyzing the tone.
Alone. hardly so, unless you don't understand the meaning for this nonsense.
My life. my words. my history and my present. present ever, ever present.
Ashley. Spits. Rhyme.
Hiptop.
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