010. Woman.

I am WOMAN, hear me roar.
Not like that "i plan to soar" blah blah listen to me type lines.
No, no this is a different type of roar.
I'm trying to educate, stimulate, not bore.
First I've picked for..you.
Four divided by two -- people who I adore.
Who make me more of who I claim to be.
Lets see...
This first shero makes me wish I was stronger
To live longer and make the difference
Like she did sitting on a bus not making a fuss until they moved her.
And...brrrrr was it cold when she coldly, boldly said "no".
Bravo miss parks for parking yours where you weren't allowed to.
For you drew a crowd and it became a following.
And the following are poem lines in honor of what you did.
Having your rights become right.
Having nightly days become less of a fight.
Thank you miss parks for being so amazing with your simple actions.
And act then upon what I will say next.
Mr. Martin Luther King Jr. is my second bloomer that I chose to expose
And have me sit froze-n with wonderment
And wonder what he meant when he was up on a stage
Fighting rage...on race.
As thoughts race through my mind going back into time
As the lines poured out:
"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends."
His dream didnt end with the words that sung like birds.
He carried on with the song and that famous quote and I quote:
"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.""
I dont just know the first, I know the sequel.
I've read the poem through and through
And am so through with how he was treated.
Yet he treated and greeted his people, all people with respect.
My heroes..sheroes...have respect.
And still an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
Yet I, look past the eyes and enter the mind.
Finding the time it takes to make the first mistake
To recreate a soul by judging them soley on...
Appearance.
Take me for example.
Just because I sample fashion
From a male's wardrobe.
Shirts that show no curves, no breasts
Just a chest with a heart beating
Rapidly when you start starting
Awkwardly.
Your eyes gaze at my levi's
Leave me alone with my shrink to fit
Jeans softly below the hip.
Hardly showing off my ass-ets.
But wait...I have finally pleased you
With my makeup to make up for the lack there of
Of my outfit that doesn't fit my womanhood.
Womanhood? Is that what youre so concerned about?
Here...let me shout:
I am WOMAN, here me roar!
Still not enough? Want some more?
I am a lady!...I am a girl!
Still a non believer? give me a naked twirl.
I've got every part since the start of my days and
I'll amaze...you.
You see, it's in my power, and its in my belief.
That I have released this greif you have given me about how I dress
And who I can impress.
I care less about you, more about me.
More about my heroes.
More about my sheroes.
Who have taught me that zero is the number of people I should care about
If they only care about my outside look and what I'm supposed to be.
And that truly makes me more of a woman or man or person than you will ever be.
I am WOMAN, hear me roar.

009. Not me.

Dont like me.
Dont like me I'm too busy.
My mind will get all frizzy and I'll probably forget your name.
I play some games and I like to train myself
And be myself and work solo.
So low that I hid out until I cant hear you speak.
I'm a bad influence...dont like me.
I'll peer pressure you with my mouthpiece words
And singing songs like the birds and you will fall.
You'll fall hard and that's hard for me because I cant pick you up.
Maybe not that I can't
But wont, dont wish to see you up and chasing once again.
Dont like me kid I'm no good for you.
I'll tell you I'm through the second you go to hold my hand.
You wont understand you'll be like "mannn ashley let me hold you."
No. Never.
I'm clever. i have a pattern going on and you aren't on my list.
Tisk Tisk stay far far away.
You wont have me today, tomorrow, next week
I'm too weak to let an equal come in and take over
Consider me just a layover.
Something in between your two flights to get to a desired place.
I'm a face to see in between your flying hours where youre on could nine
Feeling fine and dandy becoming handy with your laughter.
Refering back to the layover I'll lay over your thoughts
And make you wish you could stay.
I'm no good.
You cant stay. Rush to your next flight.
Goodbye, goodnight, sinanara, ciao..
Wow. I'm no good.
Dont pick me.
I'll cheat on you like a 10th grade test retake
And I'll brake you're heart just for the sound it makes.
You dont deserve that. Not me. I'm no good.
Stay far far away. Here I will stay. Here I will lay.
Break through me? No way.
I'm no good..not me.please dont stay.

008. Kite.

You know if i was in love at this very moment i'd build you a kite.
To me that'd be alright because in all reality this one goes out to no one
And thats kinda fun imagining what could be and would be done..for you.
But like i said i'm through with relationships so imagining is what i leave myself with.
We could fly this kite.
We could fly this kite through the day, the night, through sun and snow it would go with us with you with me because
its we not me thats how it should be when you agree to see this could be would be will be great.
I'd take that damn kite on our dates it'd be like our reminder to be kinder to eachother.
This sounds all off like...why a kite?
I choose it as a symbol to love you with.
I used to tell my past assholes to fly a kite when they tested all my might.
So maybe if i play with irony its gonna be different.
Spittin this might help me saying what i'm gonna do if i never have to use that line again...or again...or again.
Using a kite to show how high we can get.
Jet set and roll up to the sky just you...and i.
So if i was in love with you at this very moment i'd give you that gift.
Id do it in secret.
Like when you aren't home and i'm there waiting because thats what people in love do.
They wait and create kites.
So i'd use this line right here like
Dear _________, what kind of person would want this kid as a warrior?
You did.
And so i made for you a kite.
It was enormous out of coat hangers and brown paper bags and some masking tape from that drawer in the kitchen
And i hung it in the hallway where you couldnt hardly miss it
And i tagged that kite with my words...these words.
I wrote:
Just so you know my weird mind wanders and my brave heart brakes.
Ive nailed some milestones but i make mistakes
Because I've got more faults than a map of california earthquakes.
I'm taking a nap underneath your covers.
Wake me if you like me.
Wake me if you want me.
Wake me if you need another poem.
Your once and future lover has made herself at home.

007. Inside me.

So, I was kickin it with a friend the other day
N she said hey...whats your most valued possesion?
I laughed and told her it was my insides.
Without understanding yet demanding I explain
I opened my mouth to convey my most prized possesion.


These words are of value coming from my insides which stem from my brain
Telling me to train myself that these words are of power from my mind.
I have rooted them then pollutted them for ever letting them touch the outside air.
And I wouldnt care if the world was all fresh and so clean clean but its...mean.
The outside is dirty and to keep my prizes inside I value only my insides.

She nodded with expression like yeah I get that but I covered her mouth and said kick back because Ive just started sharing what means the most to my soul.

It is my soul that would come up next.
Its my inside torso that feels so..half ashamed and half happy, so, I keep it inside.
The heartbeat is silent which stays in confinement
Now that I've realized that each time I let it out it gets broken
And I'm too done with joken so I keep it...on the inside.
In my blood that runs through my vains I become vain.
Looking in the mirror making sure my hair is straight and my clothes arent anywhere near a size 8.
And thats on the outside
But my insides tell me its the only way to be right..to be liked.
And that is why my insides keep me sane
Telling me im a good person even if i dont have a shirt with a name.
Moving down to my stomach
In this extra flesh that bulges from my waistline.
My belly is where most my insecurities gather
And I'd rather hide those problems...on the inside.
But it becomes inevitable that it will show...on the outside.


I will speak at last of my mind. For even if words come out to the open air
I cant care because...truth lies within.
These are happenings that happen in the midst of rumored thoughts.
And people can be bought out so it doesnt mean much when folks speak out.
Think of your own mind. Think of how good it feels to know what you know
To put on a show for only you and your eyes to see.
Your eyes...your pupils become pupils to teach in front of your reach and it all means everything because it stemmed...from your insides.


Do our minds speak a different language than what comes out?
Do we think different thoughts than our open words filled with doubt?
We put on a show for our glory to be liked
To be strong and powerful and cool.
Strong to be forceful
And powerful to be rich
Cool trails along for the ride
As our words are gathered not from the slide up of education
But from the media's misrepresentation.
Children and young ones drink up hip hop like its water.
And then over time parents dont even know their own daughter.
Because shes caught up on her sidekick three and other electronics
Speakin' ebonics to her..."homies"
And writers have put out books that explain street slang.
And pretty soon authority figures claim confusion as to why their loved ones end up in a street gang
Like dang...you are ignorant.
Or you'd have to be to not realize that whats on the outside is not the same on the inside.
Its a facade that most keep up to be well liked
And if you cant like yourself then its going to show.
And you'll lose your glow to grow,
Inside.
That, my friend, is why my insides are valued, and remembered, and kept sacred...
Inside.

006. I dont care.

I. dont. care.
No, i really dont care and no i dont wish to share.


......

Wait!..maaybe i do. please please tell me..what am i going to do?
You leave me confused, bruised, and I put my team out there just to watch us lose.
So now, I dont care.
And your life is complicated so it seems you cant spare one moment in time
To at least tell me things arent fine
And that you wont end up being mine...ever?
Thanks, so i dont care.
Wearing my heart on my sleeve seemed fashionable at the time
But I'm no marc ecko or tommy hilfiger
So go figure I was wrong about my outfit that seemed to fit while by your side.
Well...i dont care.
And i never wanted to end up like those select few who complain about their luck
But it really does suck now that I sit here like what the ffffff
Did i do?
Therefore...i dont care.
Theres a petty little statement called bros before hoes
And those words i should have heeded before attempting in cementing
My heart with yours.
No no really...i dont care.
But while in the middle of kissing i was missing all logic apparently
That this was never going to happen again.
But maybe, you shouldve saved me from the aftermath of your scheme
Cause that was pretty mean hense the reason i now
Dont care.
I sit and submit poem after poem to the trash trying to find the right words to cash
In for my mind to feel at ease.
Eh..Pleaaase. Thats long gone..along with us.
I dont care.
But for the next one who walks into your life
Know that its not alright to treat them as an option.
To shun...their soul while they make you priority sitting like royalty
With no clue that you, yourself. dont care.
Let them know about your plan
Cause mannn...I'm broke and thats hardly a joke because
I was rich before this sudden itch of failure
Like a sailor without his wind.
When adam and eve created sin.
When you turned me into a wizard of oz character made out of tin.
With no heart..I try to start something over
In search of a four leaf clover for any type of day to go my way
Because in all reality baby...
I....care.

005. Golden Sun.

I think I know what I need.
It’s a simple dose of the same thing I bleed---out.
Like a spout it pours in liters.
Its in my breathe and on my mind.
It rests on my heart that is oh so blind.
I want them call.
Yet I don’t need them at all.
I’m a walking contradiction filled with all of my addictions
Presenting me with minor afflictions that I can usually shrug off.
But not this time. No. No this time it seems that when my name is said there is only me present.
Treated like a peasant waiting for the one who will treat me one step above.
Above is what I look to.
I awake and there is the golden sun.
Daylight has begun and you,
You are what’s saving me.
You see I am lost among the bustle
The hustle that one calls society
And the reason my face has not lost glow is you, golden sun
For you place number one giving me a chance to wake.
A chance to make my day beautiful.
I am alive.
I strive. And you are at my back
Or front depending on where my feet are plunked
And I shall not surrender…
Because of you.
My days are as bright as my mind
And time… is just a number.
But you, golden sun tell me when my days are done.
I. Thank. You.

004. Like-Love.

Ashes to ashes and us til dust.
I might use that line if I really did have trust.
Or an “us” for that matter. No matter I still like the line.
First operations from locations undiscovered and unreleased.
Now I’ve ceased all movements trying to claim your attention.
I haven’t felt strong or strung along for a long..long…time.
Outa sight outa mind is the motto among the girl.
The girl meaning me and the motto meaning I. don’t. care.
Yet I do because to think of a line and to waste the time to represent that something is not so fine.
I wish I didn’t have the mind that waits by the phone.
I wish my face could easily represent the fake tone in my voice.
I’d rejoice secretly if I heard the buzz on my nightstand.
Maybe busy is a word I have used too casually
For the casualty that I have self proclaimed on my own heart.
I don’t wish to start over because patterns seem to occur with each and every person stepping in
Or on the beat rhythms of the left side of my body.
Trying to create a new me possibly making me too gaudy.
I enjoy how I am and I enjoy the tender pieces
This releases with no creases and then some “perfect mess” comes along with all their leashes
Ready to tie me up.
I am free. I wish to not be. I contradict myself
But you’d understand if you were me….or here.

003. Rounding Corners.

If I could be the meanest...and i really mean this...
I would.
If I could be most honest...i'd already be on this...
If I could.
If I fill my soul with passion...I might not have to pass on...
If I should.
I dont need the shoulda coulda wouldas on the daily.
They dont help me believe I aint completely crazy.
Like I have some past to look back to attack what I might have been like if I had just stayed on track.
Trying to move forward with words backed with actions.
Satisfaction of words. contemplation of words.
Words are just words unless accompanied by works.
Jerks. jerks are what we call people who only use words and are good with what they say but have no intentions of backing them up today.
Or tomorrow for that fact.
Wack is what it is so i try and do the other side.
I ride with my speakings hoping they turn into bleakings of daylight.
I'm alright. I know I'm okay. Maybe yesterday I wasn't but today I feel fine.
Fine like the time i found out i was good on my own and it was known.
My presence was felt like a strong wind at your back and i took a crack at the bat and i quite possibly hit it out of the park
Until it got dark and then i awaited what came next.
You see...I dont need the wrong people telling me im right.
Thats kinda like an oxymoron that a moron would love to claim
For their fame. truth be told those are the wrong ones telling me im right.
Isnt that a sight? Its like who gave you the audacity to try and gather my wisdom?
You dont hold my freedom, or stardom just because youre random and use your brain seldom.
I am no longer the product of your release.
And I am provided with much peace with every extreme magnitude of grief that escapes me, for me.
You see...this is how I cope.
And for the sake of me, I internalize what I -- in turn -- realize
From all that I've managed to stay alive through
That though I am broken, I am more than only human.
I am not expendable,dispensable, or any deviation of "able" that promotes such.
I am lovable, ergo I am AbletoLove. Able now, atleast. Able now, at most actually.
No promises...just days with hopeful thoughts that pass in and out of my wandering and ironically cemented thoughts.
I used to be into wishin...now i have intuition.
If only I believed in shoulda. coulda. woulda.
Happy, I dont.

002. Wars.

Little rhyme for ya time not like anything is real good, but I still say things are fine.
You make it out to be bigger than it is
Kinda like when you complain about soda and at the top with the fizz
What. am I saying.
I have no clue until im playng. better yet paying...attention.
No,no praying FOR attention.
Sike all attention.
Dimention is a word we hardly use unless we fuse it with things like 5th.
Take it to another world and hey bring me along.
I'll sing you a song and no one will be wrong.
Smoke out of a bong and listen to tay zon--day.
Play. Its all I really wanna do play,stay.
Stay with me I'll set you free I promise. honest.
No being lame i'm about put away the shame i'll make it worth the while.
Seems i only get a love when someone needs a hug
That really bug...me.
Guess I'm not surprised. guess i feel obliged.
I'll help you help yourself helping bigger things
For you. Into you I really can be.
Me..I say love. you say love. love is a mistake.
I fall head over heels yes i know how it feels.
The...constant aggrivation of my undivided attention seems to move mountains and fountains and things that are supposed to stay put.
Foot-in mouth i will insert blush patterns to my cheeks.
Weeks is all I last. Yet I'm last to be weak?
Speak because I speak you tweak and feel upstaged.
Outraged? Oh brother.
I take it to heart. Never know where to start.
I seem to end up in trouble when I start to move my mouth.
Call it a piece like "mouthpiece" when I tell you that you'd never look like a beast.
Its like you the holster to my pistol. Pow.
We still together? Wow...you fell out of love and I said I forgot that months ago. how?
Are we still going. wow. so guess we just fuckin now? ha.
Blaboww just a joke to poke and provoke you.
I dont even know their name I just like to play the game.
Maybe considered a war.
Whats the score?
Am I losing? I hope so. I like behind behind.
Blind am i for still being nice.
Twice its happened? Triple that please.
Wars are what we need? Sike. Cop a bike and just ride.
Subside the madness and the jumping from person to person
With your fancy words and unpresidented blurbs about how youve "never felt this way...sigggh"
Oh me oh my. I laugh at you.
Phew glad I'm through with who?
This turned from dumb to amazing in due time.
Rhyme. Its what I do for mine.
Werrd.

001. Spits.

See what had happened was the world fell down.
Nothing like normal...didn’t even make a sound.

I sit I breathe and I flow, just say hi.
Surprised...compromised by the pain...that was I.
Coulda...shoulda woulda broke down when no one said my name.
We relax and do nothing so the world stays the same;
Shame. things are beautiful with change.
Look how far people go with range.
Making movements throughout the world by speech.
I stretch my arms out just to see how far they reach.
In essence im brilliant; as is society.
Proprietary takes over. get used to the social headache.
You take..two steps forward and the world walks back.
Wish to speak out but afraid of the attack.
Say the words that just feel like spurts
No big thing. after all...the truth hurts.
And we...gladly...market thee..of people wanting more and bigger is better so we eagerly adore...that.
Spat. go big? go home? what if i choose neither?
I'll probably be alone
Followed by a million others...my brothers.
My sisters. the misters. the ladies.
I was born in the 80s. i wish to know my past.
Not the last of the last but the past of my present.
The kind with bumps and bruises and how i got here with no fear just came into the world a free soul for real.
Imagine how that feels.
Better yet imagine how it wouldn’t feel.
Heal those minds who cant even read this.
Not because they choose not to, no
But because they aren’t able to read, they bleed.
The minds are of one beam and internet is a dream.
They have no books and no one seems to take looks
We are crooks...and beggars.
With our teen parties and keggers.
Onto more modern me..gee.
Wondering how I am a wonder,
Plunder for that answer and let me know not.
Rot with bitterness and wear a smile.
I wont be going anywhere for quite a while.
Family. new subject sorry for the switch..
Twitch; getting better...itch; still problems.
Friends but who. contemplate reality.
You care?...show. you don’t? go.
Love. again bigger things surround us
Fuss you fuss. you fuss about me even when im not around;
Clown yourself you like attention and grab.
Blab that’s what you do blab no one cares.
If my heart hurts good thing I got rid of that part.
Start..fresh. you wont bring me down by your
Selfish ways and unhappy days and mediocre frays of the unsewn life you choose to live...without me.
Thank God i never gave you all of who I was or am or still yet to be.
Cause..look at me and watch me work;
Twirk I move and twirk I'm gone again from you and the rest Of who your posse or mind posse wanted me to be.
So badly for you I could care less.
Regress...I would not.

Thoughts on my mind with no more time
To bore. I bore and I capture feel these words.
Try and read how I write because you wont get it right.
I'm sure this mess of poetic bliss will scare you.
I'm reading fast with breaks where I see them.
And you will read slow overanalyzing the tone.
Alone. hardly so, unless you don't understand the meaning for this nonsense.
My life. my words. my history and my present. present ever, ever present.

Ashley. Spits. Rhyme.

Hiptop.